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Beautiful Tribute

Hi Everyone,

What a day we had to celebrate the life of our Queen yesterday. None of us could have asked for a more perfect service surrounded by a more perfect group of people. As someone wrote to me in a facebook message, "I always knew how popular your mom was but...........she was absolutely watching saying-man I am popular!!!" And this is so, so true. I know she was very proud of the large showing of people. On top of having a "special" obituary written in the Atlanta Journal-Constitution (complete with a COLOR picture on the front page of Tuesday's Metro section!), there were (according to our very statistical calculations) about 400 of you at Mt. Vernon Presbyterian Church to celebrate my ridiculously amazing mother. When we were originally planning the memorial celebration, we told the minister to expect 150-200 people. This is why many of you did not receive a program because they flat out ran out due to the large numbers of people! There were many of you who were unable to attend due to weather, distance, and other reasons. We know you all wanted to be there, and we want you to feel as though you were right there with us. I am posting below the 3 "speeches" (or, as my cousin and I liked to call them as we calmed our nerves..."points of discussion for our conference call"). This will be an extraordinarily long blog entry due to the copy and pasting, but I hope you enjoy reading the beautiful words spoken about my mom. I'll post them in the order they were read.

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1) Abby Howe, the daughter who got a weird addiction to blogging

Knowing my mom, she would probably be pretty mad at us for all sitting here and talking about her. Well, tough. She’ll have to get over that for today. I do know that she wouldn’t want any of us sitting here without some laughter happening. I am going to attempt to provide some comic relief and tell you just a few of the simple yet powerful life lessons my mom has taught me in my 23 years

1) Now, I have to make sure you all know where the whole Queen Jean thing came from. Even at a young age, my mom knew she wanted to be royalty. She always wanted her title to be, “Queen Jean the Jellybean.” As she got older, she and my dad bought our current house, which happens to be surrounded by a moat (some of you may prefer to call this a ‘drainage ditch’).

Clearly, due to this moat, we automatically live in a castle.

And finally, I’ve always been a little self-conscious about my toes. I’m sure you’re wondering how this ties into royalty. Well, my mom always told me that having a second toe that is longer than your first toe is an automatic sign of royalty. Was she just trying to make me feel better about my weird toes? Most likely. But I still like to believe that I am a princess due to this odd toe situation.

2) Never, ever drive with less than ¼ tank of gas. And if you can, try to fill up when you hit that ½ a tank mark. According to my mother, your gas gauge may by lying to you. And you never know where you might be and what pocket of zero cell phone reception you will find yourself in when you run out of gas.

3) Try to never go out past dark. Ever. Bad things happen when it’s dark outside.

4) Always eat dinner between 6:00 and 6:30 and be sure to sit down at the table with your family and light candles….don’t just save candles for special occasions.

5) Try not to drive if there is any impending threat of rain/sleet/snow/hail/wind. Allison…not sure she would have approved of you driving in the 2^nd worst blizzard in Vermont history.

6) You can never, ever be overly cautious in medical situations. I credit this life lesson to Nancy’s dramatic entrance into the world. But my mom tended to take it to an extreme. 3 years ago we took a trip to Colonial Williamsburg. We were put-zing around the gravel streets, watching re-enactments and listening to soldiers drumming in the background. I somehow managed to get stung by a bee. The most shocking part of this story is that I made it 21 years without EVER getting a bee sting. The Queen was very worried I might be allergic, so she insisted we call the Colonial Williamsburg Paramedics. No, they didn’t come trotting by on their horse drawn carriage with a small doctor’s bag. They strolled up in a police car with flashing lights and wearing their uniforms only to give me some anti-sting cream. Embarrassing? You bet. But like I said…you can never be too cautious in medical situations.

7) To go along with number 6…always live within 2 miles of a major medical center. Again, I credit Nancy’s entrance into the world with this life lesson.

8) Why fly when you can drive? According to my parents, no distance on the East Coast is ever too far to drive! Be sure that you are armed with DVD’s, grapes to munch on, and Benadryl. And while you’re schlepping across the Eastern Coast…stop and see the sights! Nancy and I will both tell you that at the time, these “stops along the way” were a huge pain in the butt. Looking at it now, I’m so glad my parents made us stop to see Thomas Jefferson’s home, Colonial Williamsburg, the Lackawanna Coal Mine, and the mansions in Newport, RI…just to name a few.

9) Always try to return things even if…you think they aren’t returnable, you don’t have a receipt, you may have worn the item, you may have broken the item, and/or you may just not like the item anymore. You never know what they’ll say.

10) Show people that you appreciate their hard work. This is why my mom baked Mike’s Hot Dog brownies for all her friends at the oncologist’s office and radiation. This is also how she somehow weaseled her way into having her nurses and doctors cell phone numbers, which my mom considered a huge accomplishment.

11) You can never have too much stuff. Now, I’m not talking about those people who are Hoarders and have TV series devoted to them. I’m talking about surrounding yourself with pictures of loved ones, paintings you love, and things that make you smile. In my mom’s case, she surrounded herself with angels. Wooden angels crafted by my dad, metal angels hiding within indoor plants, and stained glass angels that glisten as sunlight shines through the window. My dad may argue that we could be featured on an special edition episode for people that are borderline Hoarders…but I like to tell myself we aren’t that bad…yet. J

12) My mom taught me how to be a teacher. She loved her job and she was great at it, yet she understood that it was the most difficult job in the entire world. After I had rough days at school, she would tell me to go home, forget about it, and start over again the next day because it’s a new day. I think this is a good way of thinking in any situation.

13) She lived by the motto: Wish it. Dream it. Do it. This is one of my mom’s favorite slogans. Wish whatever you want, dream up whatever you want, and do whatever you want. A long time ago, she crafted little wooden signs for each of us that say this slogan. What simple yet powerful words.

And finally, number 14. I saved the best for last. She taught me how to love. She showed me through her actions how to love your family and love your friends because nothing else really matters. She often used one simple action to show her love. This action is something that she was able to continue even in her weakest state because she didn’t have to say a word. All she had to do was pucker her lips and blow a kiss. Over the past few days, I have found myself looking up at the sky and blowing a kiss. So, if you all don’t mind helping me out so that we can send a massive kiss to my mom, I would appreciate it. All you have to do is look up, and on the count of 3, blow a kiss. 1…2…3.

Thank you all for being here. We love you.

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2) Emily Frazier, Niece

When Abby, Nancy and Jeff asked me to speak here today, Abby said they all knew my auntie and I had a special relationship. And we do. Ever since I was very young I've idolized my auntie, and I have the fondest memories of her painting my toenails in the midst of endless torrential rainstorms during her Vermont vacations, of her calling me on her lunch break at school to report the latest fashion of 2nd graders, and of hundreds of emails with better punch lines than even the greatest stand-up comedians. It's been special, for sure. But the truth of it is, I’m not alone. Every person in this room today, and so many more who couldn't be here, has a special relationship with my Aunt Jean. Each of us will always have our own intimate, defining moments with her. That’s why we’re here.

And that is one of Jean's greatest strengths. Whether you exchanged a single email with her, met her briefly in a full-size hot dog costume, or have had her in your life almost every day, she made that relationship special and unique. She is the person you WANT to be stuck in line behind at the DMV. Better yet, if she had reason to go to the DMV, you would find yourself actually wanting to go wait with her, just to see what might happen on the entertainment front. Her incredible social skills were never more apparent to me than when I came to visit in the middle of last year. She had re-entered chemo and was hooked up to an oxygen machine, and I thought she and the family could use some additional support to assist her recovery, or as she referred to it, I was filling the position of "interim recreation director to assist her during sabbatical". So, being self-employed at the time, I flew down with a day's notice and set up my office on the couch next to her “day spa and retreat center” (or, the other side of the couch).

We spent a week there together and settled in to a nice little routine. Every morning after bribing her to eat an entire bagel by withholding her iPhone, we would have a long heart-to-heart about everything under the sun. But just around 10 AM we would have to cut things short because her busy social schedule would kick in. The house phone would ring off the hook with dear friends and family checking up on her. As she was chit-chatting away with the phone cradled next to her ear, she was texting another friend or playing Abby in Scrabble on her iPhone, all the while her other hand was on her laptop honing her newfound Facebook-stalking skills. Other than when we stopped to watch Ellen this continued all day, including numerous Skype dates with her class who she missed dearly. For that, Nancy and I set her up with headphones, and then we'd scramble for the kitchen while she yelled into the screen way too loud because she forgot her ears were covered. There was never a dull moment in Jean's social life because it was always chalk full of these special relationships.

But you didn't come here to listen to my words. We're here because of my auntie's words. So let me read an array of quotes I've pulled from her emails to help capture her one-in-a-billion personality.

Two editorial notes: In order to be suitable for children and a place of worship, the selection of quotes diminished rapidly from hundreds to ten. And second, if you are not aware of her dry sarcasm, some of these may sound odd.

1. "I found out I was (and still am) the Queen of Enablers. I wear my crown proudly. I now try to channel my enabling in directions where I can get what I want."

2. "Nothing like cancer to get pity. Whenever someone cuts in front of me at the grocery store and they see that I have a hat and scarf on they apologize profusely like they caused the cancer by cutting in front of me. I pretend I'm the Pope and give them special dispensation and act like it's OK. Actually, I send evil vibes their way and hope that someone runs their cart into that part of the back of your ankle that kills."

3. "I've had two radiation treatments so far. I'm over it. Even though the people are really nice and I like them a lot, I need to find another way to make friends. For real."

4. "I'm typing this on my school computer so I can't type in all the expletives that I really want to and need to. You can strategically place them where you want. There would be a lot of F words, that's for sure."

#5 comes from a rare time when she was venting her frustration about the cancer showing up again, where she felt like she was being singled out every time it came back. She missed the mundane everyday life the rest of us so often complain about. She said, "The best way to live is to be the person that goes through life falling through the cracks."

6. "WTF. Please tell me it's not going to rain the entire time we are in VT. I am actually surprised Peter and Kit are even letting us come, since we always bring some bizarre weather pattern with us. We bring rain to VT and drought to GA. We really are a lot more powerful than anyone gives us credit for. I think I'll play the lottery this week. Then we can all retire and sip drinks with little umbrellas in them."

Jean and I bonded a lot over celebrity gossip, so #7 is a text message she sent me related to People Magazine. “My recreation director, Nancy, has me out on a drive in search of people mag. We are at the 2nd store! If they say it comes out on Friday then they should have it out on Friday! I mean, this is Atlanta not a 3rd world country. We shut-ins count on things like this.”

And similarly, in a text message to Abby, #8: “What if Prince William and Kate get married the same day as Anna?? This will be a major problem. Thank goodness for TIVO.”

9. Upon learning to use Gchat and instant messaging, she said: "I'll chat later now that I'm cool. I also don't wear high-waisted pants anymore. OMG I'm so hip I can't stand it." ** On this one, I ask you to note the colorful Christmas sweater of Jean's that I've donned today in honor of her own fashion styles.

And the last quote is from an email 3 years ago when I was struggling with grief. I now find myself back in that same place, and again I've been seeking comfort in her words.

"As for the grieving process, I have nothing good to say about it. I think it sucks. I don't think anyone or anything that I love should have to die. There is nothing that makes grief any easier for anyone, but I do believe there is a true process you go through which has various stages.

When my father died, it was horrible and awful and all that, but there was this little part of me that was so happy he wasn't suffering any longer. Of course, then I had to feel guilty that I even thought that, but it was true. I knew he never would have wanted to live like that. So even to this day, I do all the what ifs. What if he had never gotten sick? Could he and my mother have done everything they wanted to do? What if, what if, what if? So I go through all that and then come back to the fact that I can't change what happened. It is what it is.

All I can do is move on with my life and honor him by how I handle myself."

---

That’s my auntie, always so eloquently spoken. And -- I know how much she loved to hear this phrase – she is right.

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3) Lisa Nash, Principal of High Point Elementary

A famous person once said, “When you love people and have the desire to make a profound, positive impact upon the world, then will you have accomplished the meaning to live.”

I had the pleasure of meeting Jean 7 years ago when I first came to High Point. I noticed her spunk, enthusiasm and tremendous sense of humor from the very beginning. She made a positive impact not only on the students in her class but on our entire school and community. Jean was dedicated to our school and was a fabulous educator; she started her career at High Point as a clinic assistant, then moved to being a Kindergarten assistant in Ms. Woods’ class and finally becoming a teacher; which she was born to be. She did her student teaching at High Point and I was fortunate enough to be able to hire her as a 2^nd grade teacher. After only two years in the classroom, she became our teacher of the year in 2008. I was so proud to be able to announce her name and recognize her for all her hard work. She was the perfect person to represent our school; hard working, dedicated, passionate, and enthusiastic. She loved all of her students and, like the quote said, wanted to make a profound impact in their lives. She always told her students that they held a secret just between them. The secret was that I gave her the best class in the school. Because to Jean, she HAD the best class in the school each and every year. She loved her class and even while sick, wanted to be there with them. She gave and gave and gave even when her body was saying “I’m tired, Jean!” We always know what impact she made and how her students needed her but according to Jean, she needed them also.

Jean was also a great friend to so many of us. She valued every relationship and made people feel like they were truly unique or special. Jean had so many friends and was the type of person that could keep up with all of them. She knew what was going on in all of our lives and she would always send a kind card or letter when her friends needed encouragement. You could always find her smiling and ready to make a joke about what was going on. Her mission was to make everyone feel better. She always made people feel like they were the center of her world. And the reality was, she was the center of ours. When Abby started the blog and she told everyone that Jean like hearing the comments from Facebook, I saw the stream of comments and realized what she meant to everyone and how she made each of us feel so special on a daily basis.

We all thrived on her sense of humor. She had nicknames and inside jokes with everyone. She would take a funny moment, which might have been shared only between you and her, and make it something special. Four years ago, she and I took an ESOL class called SIOP. For some strange reason, every time we went to class something severe happened at school without me being there; gas leak, fire, flood, toilets not usable, you name it. From then on, Jean would always ask me if I was having a “good day or a SIOP day.” That always brought a smile to my face and I would never have to answer SIOP day because her presence changed my not-so-good day into a great day.

Jean said once that “Nobody likes change except for a baby with a wet diaper.” One of her greatest attributes was her complete honesty. She would always tell you like it was; whether you wanted to hear it or not. She was a genuine person and even a stranger would know who she really was in a matter of minutes.

Jean was also the most artistic person with a colorful and bright outlook. If Jean didn’t have a paintbrush in her hand, she wasn’t herself. The positive side of this for everyone around her is that they all got to take part in her “colorful world”. Personally and professionally, I have Jean’s artistic reminders all around me and I know that all of you do too. I walk into the front lobby of the school and there are tile wall hangings that Jean and her class made for High Point. There also sits a table and chairs that Jean painted for the school. I can’t even use the restroom without thinking of Jean since she decided to change our boring beige walls to a beautiful purple! I will NEVER paint those walls again! My daughter even calls the table “Jean’s table” and actually says “I sit in Jean’s chairs before I go home.” This was after she thought the table and chairs were hers and I had to inform her otherwise. I am always a little nervous when we get to chair number four that we might have a tantrum when I actually say that it is truly time to leave, but it warms my heart to know that she loves the beautiful table as much as I do. I also have Jean surrounding me in my home. I have a huge splat mat that she made for my daughter when she was born, a dog mat for our dog and a pepper shaker she made me when I got married. I love having these things that Jean has made surround me. I am sure that you also have things which remind you of Jean each day.

Someone once said, “A mother is a person who seeing there are only four pieces of pie for five people, promptly announces she never did care for pie.” More than being a dynamite teacher, Jean was proud to call herself a mother and wife. Throughout our years together, she always spoke with adoration about her two daughters and husband. Every story that was told about Abby, Nancy, or Jeff was told with a sparkle in her eye. She was so proud of her family. I was told there was a dog too but we won’t go into that. I know that all the teachers here aren’t family by blood but we consider ourselves to be like family. Jean was our sister, our mother, and our best friend. Her legacy will live on through each person at High Point. Whenever someone makes a joke, paints a beautiful picture, teaches with their heart and soul, or even dresses up like a hot dog, we will remember our Queen Jean.

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And if you made it this far...congratulations! It's like you were right there with us at our celebration. Thank you all for everything you did yesterday and in the past month. Like I've said thousands of times before, we couldn't have done it without you all. I will continue posting stories about memories of my mom on the Queen Jean blog, as well as updates on our 3-Day Walk. If you are just overly hooked on my writing and are finding yourself in a stage of depression because the Queen Jean blog posts are becoming less frequent, you can follow my other blog (that is not NEARLY as exciting because it is about my boring life) at: http://www.abbythegrownup.blogspot.com/

Love and hugs to you all,

The Queen's Royal Court

Hi Everyone,

A lot of people have been asking about what we are doing in lieu of flowers for donations, etc.

As many of you know, Nancy and I (along with 8 friends) will be walking in the Susan G. Komen 3 Day Breast Cancer Walk in October. The online donating process can be a little complicated, so we have set up an account for people to mail in a check and donate. Checks can be made payable to: "Queen Jean's Supreme Team."

Checks can be sent to:

227 Sandy Springs Place

PO Box 192

Sandy Springs, GA 30328

We appreciate your donations in advance. If you are able to figure out how to donate online, feel free to go to www.the3day.org. You can search by "Queen Jean's Supreme Team" or search individually by our names. The only reason we created the checking account and PO Box is so that people don't feel like they have to choose who to donate to. If you donate via check, the funds will be evenly divided. But it is 100% your own choice...it doesn't really matter because everything goes to the same place. And so many of you donated prior to this and we are very thankful. Thank you in advance for all of your donations. The Queen would be so excited :)

Please send your prayers and good vibrations for strength for everyone and safe travels for all of you headed into the South in the coming days.

Love and hugs to all of you,

The Queen's Royal Court

Long Day

So, (luckily) I never knew what a pain in the ass it was to make memorial service arrangements and deal with everything that goes along with the process. There should be an Idiot's Guide. And should the newspaper industry really be able to charge like $7 for a teeny sized line of an obituary? Sorry...I'm finding myself sidetracked ;)

After a very long and difficult day, we somehow managed to make most of the arrangements. Hopefully this will help you all in any planning aspect for the week ahead. Here are the details:

Tuesday, March 8, 2011

Mt. Vernon Presbyterian Church

471 Mt. Vernon Hwy.

Sandy Springs, GA 30328

4:00-5:00- Visitation with the family @ Mt. Vernon Church

5:30- Memorial Service CELEBRATION for our Queen*

In lieu of flowers...we will be accepting donations for a cause my mom supported us in. But we have to get a PO Box situation figured out. And maybe a fund? And other things that we didn't get to today. So just hold tight for me on the donation end of things :)

*Now, let me make one side comment. If you knew my mother, you know that she was a very colorful person. Any craft project involved a ridiculous amount of color and any piece of clothing was always colorful. Please, if you think about it, wear a happy and bright color. My mom would want that and she would probably be pissed if there was a sea of black. Don't be scared to wear a color....I know this is a major faux pa and people typically fall back onto the traditional black. But just think about The Queen and think about her cheerful and bright outlook on life. She would want a sea of color and lots of it :) So don't be afraid to be colorful. And if you wear black....I promise we won't judge you!

I know this may be a hard concept for a lot of you to grasp, but I want to reiterate the peace that happened today. Yes, we ALL sobbed our eyes out. Yes, we all held onto our Queen for as long as possible. Yes, we know the pain is never going to go away, it will only get easier to handle. Yes, we know you will all always be there. Yes, I already dreadfully miss my mom and every single day I will continue to miss her. But ask any one of the loved ones that surrounded her today....we are all so happy that she is free of pain, free of worry and free of cancer. And you know what? It's not goodbye. As I told my mom today, it's simply, "see you later." This is a hard concept for all of us to grasp. But as a good friend told me yesterday, "she did everything so well, so gracefully, and so beautifully in her 52 years that she didn't need to be here anymore."

I can't continue to thank you all enough for how wonderful and amazing your words and actions have been (and continue to be) to our family. Thank you times a trillion. We hope to see you all on Tuesday.

Please send your prayers and good vibrations for strength for all of us forever and ever as we live each day as The Queen would want us to.

Love to you all,

The Queen's Royal Court

We lost my mom to a hell of a better place today. Please know that she left us in the most peaceful and calm state and we could not have asked for anything more. She is our everything and we will continue to live each and every day for The Queen. Thank you all for being so beyond wonderful. We will keep you posted on arrangements in the very near future.

Prayers and good vibrations for strength for each and every one of us and

continued peace for The Queen.

Love and hugs,

The Queen's Royal Court

Today's Update....Yesterday they only did the chest tube drain on her left side, so today they did the right side. They did everything EXACTLY the same as yesterday. Her ICU nurse went down for the procedure as did the Respiratory Therapist. We love that all the people that know her and know her case history stick with her in every procedure. She did great again and DID NOT have to be put on the ventilator. As the day went on they continued to check her blood gas levels and were not happy with what they were seeing. Her carbon dioxide levels are just too high. They put her back on the BiPap machine and she is continuing to have a hard time responding to it. As I stated last night, our main job is to keep the Queen as comfy and cozy as possible. I want you all to know that my mom is very at peace with what is happening. There is a calm that has come over her that is the most calm I've seen her throughout this entire process. When she opens her big beautiful eyes, every single one of us has noted that she is calm and peaceful. I'm telling you....all you people must be Magical Knights in The Queen's Royal Court because your prayers and good vibrations are reaching The Queen. She feels each and every one of you squeezing her ever so tightly. And that is nothing but the truth.

Will keep you posted with what tomorrow brings.

Please send prayers and good vibrations for the same as last night...easy breathing and comfort, comfort, comfort.

Love and hugs to all of you,

The Queen's Royal Court

She's a Freaking Cat

This will be a super straightforward update for the sake of me being exhausted.

Recap:

Last night I spent the night with the Queen and she had a great night. Her stats looked good, she slept, etc., etc. I left at 6:30 this morning to go home and sleep. I got a call from Jan around 10:30 telling me I needed to come back. She had to be put back on the BiPap to help her breathing. They wanted to continue to go ahead with the chest tube catheter surgery to help make her comfortable. But, the scary part was that her blood gas levels were not looking good and her breathing was bad again. We were essentially told this was something she might not make it out of and if she did, that there was a high likely hood she would be back on the ventilator. After an extremely scary/exhausting/sad few hours, we just got the phone call that she did great during the surgery and did not have to be put back on the ventilator. Out of this entire process, this was the best news that we could have all hoped for.

Now, to fill you all in on more scary information that I have deemed ok to make public knowledge so that you can continue to send your magical prayers and good vibrations her way.....

My mom is very sick. My mom has known she was this sick for quite some time but wanted to protect the ones she loves by keeping this information as quiet as possible. Breast cancer that metastasis (moves around your body) is a huge giant son of a bitch (excuse my language, but I think it's ok in this situation). My mom battled this successfully 10 years ago and when it came back, she knew it was not good. Treating it with chemo and radiation is the best thing to do, and that is what was being done until she contracted the strep pneumonia. Now, our goal at this point is to keep The Queen as comfortable as possible. Her cancer is at stage 4 (google it...there's only 4 stages) and she has known this for a while now. We are all coming to terms with the fact that she is putting up one hell of a fight but we can't lose sight of that damn cancer bitch that is lurking around her fragile and weakened body. That being said, we want to be able to get her home so that she can be out of this wonderful but sterile and institutional hospital environment. We want her to be as comfortable as possible and that will occur at home. We still have a long ways to go to get to that point, but that is where we are setting our sights for the moment. Sorry to be the bearer of shitty news, but I think we're at a point where she would want you all as fully informed as possible to send those prayers and vibrations. As Jan mentioned today, my mom's positive attitude is contagious. At every doctor's appointment, she pulls out the slice of positive news and clings to it. We are all taking a hint from her and trying to do the same :)

By the way...we just got to her room and were all huddled around her bed so excited that she is still here with us. She opened her eyes, smiled, and said..."don't stare at me!" I have to agree with her...it would be quite overwhelming to have 4 sets of eyes glaring down on you when all you can do is lay there. So we all tried to step back for a little bit. Her humor is still here in full force.

All that being said- continue doing what you're all doing.

Prayers and good vibrations for easier breathing and comfort, comfort, comfort.

Love and massive hugs to all of you,

The Queen's Royal Court

Giant Rollercoaster

Hi World,

The Queen went in for her bronchoscopy around 11AM this morning. They found a ton of mucus in the back of her throat and infection in her lungs. They sent off a culture to see if the infection is old pneumonia working it's way out or something new. We won't have those results for a couple of days. They had a hard time getting her sedated, so they had to give her more "go to sleep medicine" than they originally intended on giving her. Since she was under heavier sedation, they had a harder time waking her up. To make another long story short, there were some irregular heart beats and breathing patterns happening after they woke her up. So to be cautious, they have put her back in ICU. We are all MEGA crossing our fingers that this will be short term (the dr's are thinking it will be...but remember I'm superstitious so pretend I didn't even say that) and that she'll be out in no time. They have put her on a heart medicine to calm her heart down. Her heart rate has gone down (but is still in the low 100's). Since I didn't fully understand what a "normal" heart rate was, Jan just checked mine. My heart rate is 66 and I'm not the healthiest 23 year old. But, it gave me a reference point to know that even the low 100's is high...but good for my mom. For the past 3 weeks, her heart rate has been in the 120's. So we are happy that her heart is getting a rest. It sure deserves one! She has a wonderful nurse in ICU (no surprise there!), she is comfortable, and we are all ok with this new development. Yet again, patience, patience, patience.

Now, your job: prayers and good vibrations for great bronchoscopy results, steady heart rate, and steady breathing.

She's still got a lot of fight left in her and we are all very happy that she has cautious but proactive doctors on her side.

Love and hugs again from the depressing but rather fancy ICU waiting room,

The Queen's Royal Court

Hi Everyone,

Today brought waiting, waiting, and more waiting. Hence, why you've gotten not 1, but 2 blog posts from me today. Well, we saw all of her docs first thing this morning. Pulmonology said they wanted to drain more fluid again. They are adamant about getting all the fluid out of there and trying to avoid doing a chest tube thing. The majority of the rest of the day was spent waiting for her to go get another thoracentesis (chest drain). The Queen was extremely uncomfortable most of the morning. She was the most uncomfortable I've ever had to see her. She was very short of breath and was coughing a lot. We were told by multiple people that a productive, phlegm producing cough is a good thing...as horrible and nasty as it may sound when she is coughing. So, the coughing is a good sign. The Infectious Disease Doctor came down and he said he is going to keep her on antibiotics just to be safe. These antibiotics will help get out any of the pneumonia that may still be lingering. All of the doctor's together seem to agree that this is all just the ending phases of the pneumonia working it's way out of her lungs. As we are all learning, this is just a long and arduous process.

So...fast forward to 4PM. I get a call from Oconee Co. Schools telling me all after school activities are cancelled due to the threat of severe weather. Shoot, I thought to myself....I have to get back to Athens. So, I abruptly (and very reluctantly) left the hospital to head towards Athens pre-storm. Good decision, I must say. We had intense rain and wind all over GA and I made it back just in time. Pretty crazy stuff. So, I made it home and got Queen Jean updates from Jan and my dad. Turns out, they drained a ridiculous amount of fluid off of my mom's lungs. 600 cc's on the right side and 1200 cc's on the left side. This is INSANE. They drained 1200 cc's TOTAL the last time they did this. So, moral of the story....the good news is that it explains why she was so uncomfortable. The scary news is that we don't know why the fluid KEEPS coming back. It should be done coming back by now, yet here we are again. So, tomorrow they are going to do a bronchoscopy which will involve putting an itty bitty camera into her lungs (via going down her throat) to see what's going on. They think there may be some intense mucus plugs (areas of concentrated mucus...gross) which they would be able to suction out. This still doesn't completely explain why the fluid keeps coming back. So...they will do a chest X-Ray on Wednesday to see what's going on with the fluid and then we will go from there. There may be a need for a chest tube, but we're taking this one day at a time and not worrying about that until we get to Wednesday.

Please, please, please....we need mega magical prayers and good vibrations for NO MORE fluid in and/or around her lungs. Let's just focus on that one for right now.

Love and hugs to each of you,

The Queen's Royal Court

"If Jan Were Here..."

This the the phrase that echoed in my head day in and day out this weekend. I constantly thought about what Jan would do in the situations we found ourselves in over the past few days. Jan got a well deserved and much needed break from Queen Duty this weekend. She was able to hang out with her precious little grandkids. They spent quite a bit of time reading one of my all time favorite children's books, Pete the Cat. If you have little kids in your life. GO BUY THIS BOOK! I guarantee they will love it. It comes with a catchy little musical read along song. You'll be walking around singing, "I love my white shoes, I love my white shoes" all day!

A lot of you are probably wondering who Jan is and why we keep talking about her. Well, let me tell you a little bit about Jan. Jan is one of Nancy's friend's moms (got that?). Over the past year, Jan has swooped in and become a HUGE asset to our family. Jan has accompanied my mom to all of her chemo appointments over the past year. At these appointments you sit and sit and sit. You watch chemo drip into my mom ever so slowly. You try to claim to most comfortable chairs in the chemo room. You try not to be depressed because (despite the beautiful views of Atlanta) it is a pretty overall depressing place. You combat the depressed feelings by talking about families, children, and funny stories. And Jan has tackled this process alongside my mom and dad. I also have to mention that my mom has so many other wonderful friends. Nan Fran took her to every single chemo way back in 2000 when all this shit began. We are so thankful for all of her friends. My mom has such an enormously large group of friends who have done hundreds of small things to make her happy. Childhood friends, College friends, High Point friends, nurse friends, my friend's moms, Nancy's friend's moms...the list is endless. You know who you are, so rather than me thank each and every one of you individually, give yourself a big old hug from all of us and The Queen as our giant thank you :)

Jan always tells my mom that she is looking for volunteer opportunities in the Atlanta area. My mom is quick to tell her that her volunteering is now strictly in the form of helping our family. No shame in saying that we need volunteers in this family. On top of her normal chemo help, Jan and my dad help each other out in many different Queen Jean situations. When my dad goes to doctors appointments, Jan comes along and takes notes and asks questions that we may have overlooked (did I mention that Jan used to be a nurse so she is able to ask A LOT of questions that we would never think of). This allows my dad to focus on my mom and make sure that she is ok. Did I mention that we are SO thankful for Jan? Having a family member who has cancer involves a lot of extra stuff for the family. It is so, so, so, so wonderful that Jan is able to help out. This extra help allows my dad to continue to be able to go handle things at Mike's and get things done around the house. Right now, my dad and Jan take shifts at the hospital. It is so nice that someone can be with The Queen all day without getting burnt out. We are all feeling exhausted after many sleepless nights and long days at the hospital, but having that extra person who also knows the entire medical history is a huge, huge, huge help.

Jan has taught all of us a lot about the process of being in the hospital, dealing with nurses, important questions to ask, etc. She knew we would be shocked with the move from ICU to a regular room. She knew we would be even more shocked with the move from hospital to rehab. Luckily, she anticipated these shocks and prepped us ahead of time. Jan has taught me how to be assertive in medical situations (something The Queen would be very appreciative of us learning). It is amazing how you really NEED to have someone who is an advocate for patients when they are in the hospital. So, did my dad and I demand an X-Ray or visit from the Doctor at 7PM on a Saturday night when we were at Rehab? Yes we did. And we were successful. I attribute a large portion of this success and newfound assertive-ness to Jan. Another large part of it obviously also comes from the fact that this is our mom and wife and we will all do whatever we need to do to make sure things are taken care of.

Jan always says, "just kick me out when you need family time." We have yet to kick her out of any situation because she is a part of our family. Ask any of the 3 aunts that have been to visit or my grandmother and I think they would all unanimously agree with that statement. Nancy accidentally referred to her as "Aunt Jan" when talking to someone, but I can't think of a more perfect title for her (aside from Queen Angel, of course).

So Jan, THANK YOU from every single one of us. This blog post is just a teeny tiny way for me to express our gratitude for everything you've done. I just had to brag on you. All 64 of the blog's followers now know what we've known all along. You are a true Angel and we can't imagine going through this process without you.

Now if only you could write this volunteering off as a tax donation.....

On behalf of ALL of us, we love you!

Change in Path...

Hello All,

Well, as I told my mom this morning, this new development isn't a setback, but rather a change in her path to recovery. Unfortunately, The Queen experienced trouble breathing again towards the end of yesterday (Saturday) and this morning. We had an X-Ray ordered while she was at Rehab and the X-Ray showed that she had "infiltration" in her lungs. Infiltration means there is some type of bacteria or fluid in her lungs. To make an EXTREMELY long day short...after an ambulance ride back to Northside, we spent the majority of our day in the ER to figure out what was going on. The ER doc was the same doc who saw her the first day she got here and boy...did she look better to him! The ER doc ordered a CT scan to make sure there was nothing else causing the shortness of breath. CT scan looked good, but he said she didn't quite look well enough for him to send her back to rehab. He called the on call doctor for the oncology office and we all breathed a sigh of relief after talking to him. The oncologist basically said that her lungs just weren't quite ready to be working at full capacity on their own yet. This go around, the infiltrates (bacteria and/or fluid) are in her lungs as opposed to being around her lungs. This is why they didn't do a chest drainage thing again. He said that in cases like hers, (where the pneumonia was so bad) it can take the darn lungs 4-6 weeks to fully heal.

Patience. Patience. Patience.

After about 6 hours in the ER (crappy bed, only 2 chairs for visitors and 3 of us, no tv...see where I'm going with this?) she was moved back to her exact same room that she spent the last 2 weeks in. It's almost like our room got a wonderful cleaning, and then they were like, "ok, you can come back Ms. Jean!" So, here we are again. We're all feeling as though we never left and the past 3 days are literally a whirlwind. Nancy and I took turns spending the night at Rehab by sleeping in 2 chairs pushed together. We are happy we won't be doing that tonight.

All in all, the hospital is where my mom needs to be right now. She had some SEVERE issues coming into the hospital 3 weeks ago and those issues just take time to fully recover from. It would have taken a healthy person a long time to recover, not to mention a person who was in the midst of undergoing chemo and radiation. We are all very content with this move back to the hospital. We know she is in the best hands. We know they will get this figured out. We know we will all (try to) be patient. We know she can do it.

Prayers and good vibrations for a speedy recovery, CLEAR LUNGS, better breathing, and a continued good attitude.

My mom is the strongest person I've ever met. There's nothing stopping her here....she just needs more time. We can do that.

Tomorrow will bring visits from all her top docs. Oncologist, Pulmonologist, Infectious Disease. We can't wait to have them back :) This weekend business is rough and requires a bit more patience than usual....

I leave you with a pic of my mom's favorite dog (please note the sarcasm and remember that she and Sam are not BFF) posing next to daffodils in GA. We had some beautiful weather this weekend (which my mom did enjoy for 30 minutes yesterday!) and Sam had quite a nice time outside.

Love and hugs,

The Queen's Royal Court

Exactly 3 Weeks Later...

AND THE QUEEN IS OUT OF THE HOSPITAL!!!!!

She isn't quite ready to go home yet, but she's going to a rehab place.

If you know this Amy Winehouse song....

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5LTPRJqt2z4

.....Then you'll appreciate my sister and I singing this wonderful rendition

(even though you can't see us):

Well, Hospital Time kind of makes me think of "Island Time" but not nearly as beautiful and calm. We went to the Cayman Islands 7 (?) years ago to visit Aunt Betsy and Uncle Scott since they got to live there for a couple years. On that trip we learned that Island Time is typically 2-3 hours delayed from any time that you originally planned on doing something. And the locals typically say, "Don't worry mon, it's Island Time," or something similar where they try to make Americans chill out. Anyways, Island Time is relaxing except for when you really want to go somewhere. Hospital Time is not relaxing, so I don't really know why I'm comparing these things. But...the only similarity is that Hospital Time always seems super delayed when you really want to go somewhere. Obviously this is not the case in critical situations. When The Queen was trying to leave ICU...Hospital Time kicked in and we had to wait for a room and then wait for people to come move her. In the situation of leaving the hospital....major Hospital Time! At 12:00 this afternoon they told us she would get to go to Rehab today. In my mind, I thought we'd be out of here by 2:00. Wrong. They said it wouldn't happen until 4:00. Then it was 5:00. Then it was 5:30. Then we didn't arrive at Rehab until 6:15. Ahhhh!!! I'm very patient with little kids but not at all with adults. So I got quite antsy to say the least.

The ambulance ride to the Rehab place was literally under 2 minutes. Not even kidding. For the first (and hopefully last) time ever, I got to ride in the front of the ambulance. The paramedic and EMT were super nice and chatty so I learned all about their families and kids and job. There are no rearview mirrors in ambulances. Instead, there is this really cool camera thing in the front of the ambulance that allows you to see what's happening with the patient in the back. Then, when you reverse in turns into one of those 'see what's behind you' cameras.

We thought the move from ICU to normal hospital floor was a shocking change of scenery but let me tell you...the move from the hospital to rehab is like a Vermont winter vs. a Georgia winter. Super different. But it will be ok. She has a roommate who's name is coincidentally also Jean. We all keep reminding The Queen (and ourselves) that this is TEMPORARY. It is kind of depressing because everyone is literally really old. Like really old. Like 95. Don't believe me? Look at the activity calendar for tomorrow (Nancy and I got a good laugh and my mom got a great eye rolling session in):

There's a few young-in's here and there who were probably in car accidents or something like that, but for the most part...it's a whole lot of older people. Including someone that we know (but that's a great story for another post). So, we are all getting adjusted and trying to remind The Queen that if she works super hard, the next step is HOME aka her Castle. We are just so, so, so ecstatic that we are out of the hospital and that the next step is home. We are ridiculously proud of our Queen for how far she has come.

Aside from all of these major changes, The Queen had a great day today with everything else. She ate a grilled cheese and I didn't even have to be stern to make her eat. Physical Therapy came in and she had her best day yet. She walked about 6 feet (give or take a little) and then turned herself around and walked back to bed. We have all noticed remarkable differences since Wednesday when they drained the massive amount of fluid off her lungs. Not only with her energy level, but she just seems more comfortable and not so unhappy.

Please send your magical prayers and good vibrations for strength, continued clear lungs, a good attitude, and a QUIET roommate.

Excited love and hugs from ATL,

The Queen's Royal Court

Hi Friends and Family,

Slowly but surely, things are continuing to move in the right direction in the world of Queen Jean. Yesterday, she got 800 cc's of fluid drained off of each lung. Again, this explains why she was so uncomfortable and unhappy over the past few days. I can't imagine having all that fluid in my lungs...I would be uncomfortable too. So they drained the fluid and then let her rest a lot yesterday. She managed to eat an ENTIRE grilled cheese for dinner yesterday (including the crust!). Keep prayers and good vibrations coming for clear lungs, appetite, deep breaths (this will help her lungs), and mental strength for physical therapy.

Jan is finally giving herself a well deserved break from hospital life and is hanging with her grandkids for the weekend. I took a couple days off school to come home and make an attempt to fill in for Jan and my dad, although I definitely don't have the skills to accomplish this very well. I am going to try my best though. Nancy will be home too, so maybe we can combine our efforts to be successful caregivers. Tonight when I saw The Queen, I could immediately tell that she looked so, so much better from this past Sunday when I saw her. Her breathing had slowed down and she was so much more willing to try foods and work on her exercises. While I was there she ate half of a grilled cheese. I've been sternly told (by my mother) not to push too hard on the food thing, so I'm going to try to take a chill pill. We've learned that smaller amounts of food more often will be more feasible than 3 large meals a day. I think we could all take a hint on that one....this is coming from the girl that just had a Chef Jeff meal of chicken, lentils and spinach.

Things continue to look up around here. We can't thank you all enough for your thoughts, prayers and support. She is still requesting no visitors because it is too exhausting to even think about talking to people. We will let you know when she's ready for all your smiling faces!

I promise pictures will come now that I'm back on duty. Just give me a couple days.

Love,

The Queen's Royal Court

Coasting Along

Hi Everyone,

I wish I had some super exciting news to update you all with, but we are kind of holding at status quo. I've gotten daily updates from my dad and Jan. The Queen is getting another draining of fluid off her lungs Wednesday morning at 10:00. We are all anxiously awaiting for this to happen so that her breathing can be easier and hopefully calm her down. Her anxiety levels are very high (mine would be too if I was stuck in a hospital with nothing to do but think, think, think) so everyone (with the help of some lovely pharmaceuticals) is trying their hardest to help her calm those nerves. She continues to work extra hard on eating which we are all thrilled to see. She has discovered some favorite foods including turkey sandwiches, hummus, and Arby's milkshakes (high in calories!). She is continuing to work on standing and taking baby steps and gaining her strength through leg exercises and lots of other different physical/occupational therapy exercises. Anyways, for now, keep the prayers and good vibrations coming again for no fluid on the lungs, strength, an appetite, and positive attitude. We love you all and thanks for being so wonderful to our family during this adventure.

Love,

The Queen's Royal Court

Tiny Update

I'm rather sleepy tonight, so here's a brief and dull update:

-Catheter got taken out early this morning. Yeah!

-Had a hard time breathing today, so the doc thinks the fluid may be back in her lungs. This means possibly another draining of the fluid tomorrow after she gets a chest x-ray

-Still working on eating and moving

-Got up with the help of a walker today with her physical therapist

-Prayers and good vibrations for appetite, movement, and a positive attitude.

Sorry this was so boring, but hopefully it gives you all a quick recap of our day so you don't feel clueless.

Love and hugs,

The Queen's Royal Court

It's a Beautiful Day...Again!

Hi World,

The Queen had a big, big day today. I'm pretty sure she probably wishes that I did not come back to Atlanta to see her because I am a bit of a work horse. Jan is WAY nicer than I am when she pushes my mom to do more. I am not nearly as nice/sympathetic but I am really trying to work on it. Her appetite is just so tiny and small and I know that she can't gain strength until she gets nutrition. Lucky for me, I have a class of kiddos that all have some 'aversions to eating'. I reminded The Queen that I spend ALL day, EVERY day using different tricks to get kids to eat. I think this probably pissed her off a lot. For example, I told her I wouldn't get the nurse to get her back in bed until she ate 3 bites of her sandwich. She was not happy with me to say the least. Thanks to a tip from Nurse Nan Fran, we created a chart to document what The Queen eats every 2 hours. I will say that when it is all written down on paper, she did do a pretty good job eating today. She had 2 of her favorite protein shots that my dad hunted for all over Atlanta. She had an entire PB&J, 1/2 a banana, and some crackers. This doesn't sound like a lot to a big eater like myself, but this is a major accomplishment for The Queen. Everyday, we will build from that amount of food and continue to get her the nutrients she needs to be strong.

In terms of movement, we pushed her hard today. She sat up in a chair for over an hour and took a few steps on a walker with her Physical Therapist. The most exciting event was a trip outside. We had every member of The Royal Court here to venture out into the PERFECT Atlanta weather. We loaded up The Queen and sat outside for about 20 minutes. They let us loose this time without any nurses to accompany us! Unfortunately, I was so preoccupied with the excitement that I forgot to take pictures. But take my word for it...she looked great and was much happier after some nice Vitamin D.

Nancy couldn't resist the temptation to test drive her wheels for the afternoon:

The Queen says hello to all of you. I'll send my usual request....prayers and good vibrations for Queen like strength, a positive outlook, and a giant sized appetite.

Love to you all,

The Queen's Royal Court

Hi Everyone,

Today brought many exciting things to the world of The Queen. She was able to get her chest tube removed! Woohoo! This is going to get her headed in the right direction towards being more mobile. The Queen also ate an entire peanut butter and jelly sandwich made by Queen Angel Jan. We knew some of you may not believe this, so we have proof.

She ate everything but the crust:

In other news, my mom got a visit from one of our favorite ICU doctors today. There is a funny story about this doctor. I feel like it's ok for me to talk about this simply because it makes me look stupid and he seems like a pretty lighthearted guy. This doctor's last name is Silverboard. For the LIFE of me, I cannot remember his name. I referred to him as Silverbald (note the picture below) to another doctor. It went down like this: I said, "Yes, Dr. Silverbald had talked about ____." Other doctor says to me, "You mean Dr. Silverboard?" Um, yes. Yes, I did mean Silverboard [insert me feeling super awkward]. Me not being able to remember his name has been a consistent problem for me throughout this entire hospital stay. I'm working on it! The Queen agreed that I could post this picture from today. Isn't she looking wonderful? Better and better each day. No more feeding tube in her nose and today was her last day of IV antibiotics, so no more pole to drag around with medicines dripping into her IV. Anyways, here is The Queen with Dr. SilverBOARD.

Jan realized that we did not have any pictures of my dad on this lovely blog (aside from him behind a newspaper). So, here is a picture of my dad and Aunt Betsy "conferencing" in the conference room. They were probably discussing how they could compete with the world champion grocery bagger who happens to be from Burlington, VT. Aunt Betsy is so proud to be able to say that she lives in the same town as this champion bagger. She is SO proud of this that she told every person she met in GA that she lives in the same city as the world champion grocery bagger.

Continue your prayers and good vibrations for strength, good appetite, and no fluid on the lungs.

Happy Weekend!

Love and hugs to everyone,

The Queen's Royal Court