Gratitude and Honor

(The formatting here is certainly far from perfect. Technology is not my strength, so please ignore the funny formatting!)

When I kept up with writing these blogs, for some reason I got into a groove of giving each entry a title with only one word. I find myself organizing my thoughts around that one word, thus creating an entire story woven around a single word. This year, I couldn’t do that. I’ve spent the last few weeks trying to think of a single word that molded together my feelings of gratitude and honor and I couldn’t think of one. I even thought of just molding the words together and creating my own word- “gratihon” or “hontude.” Yikes, bad idea. By now, you’re catching on to how much I really wanted to continue having a single word title. But as you can see, I gave in and just decided to use two words in my title. You’ll have to bear with me as I organize my thoughts around two words instead of one.

November 23, 2019 was a date etched in my head for what felt like all of 2019. This was a date I would say a million times over in answer to the question, “When are you due?” On November 24th, 25th, 26th, 27th, 28th, 29th, and 30th, I would understand that alleged due dates are a load of bullshit and when someone asks you your due date you should just give an approximation- maybe the month you think you’ll have your baby, or better yet, maybe just the season you think your baby will be born in.

Finally, on December 1, 2019, an 8lb 6oz little girl not-so-eagerly joined our world and just like that, 

Nick and I embarked on an entirely new adventure, an entirely different pace of life, and entered into 

an entirely new world where we constantly walk around questioning our every move and realizing we have no idea what the fuck we’re doing. And none of this is without extreme gratitude.

Since December 1st, I have realized the extreme amount of gratitude I have for anyone who is currently a parent, or who is working their ass off trying to become a parent. I had no idea of the level of work and love that goes into this new title. From the ups and downs of trying to begin a family, to the ups and downs of just trying to keep a child alive, and then on top of that, trying to help that child thrive. Sheesh. And they tell me this is the easy part.

I also have an incredible amount of gratitude for our family and friends who have supported us. From family coming to visit and provide baby help and cooking, to friends stocking our freezer and making grocery store runs, we are so incredibly grateful for people helping us. I have actually joked a lot that people are either just genuinely really nice or they must be thinking, “Geez, Abby and Nick really need some help.”

 

I have extreme gratitude for women. For all the women with children, I am so damn sorry I had no idea what you’ve been doing. I’m sorry I didn’t understand the hardship put on your body whether it be trying to start a family, being pregnant, childbirth, or postpartum. And why don’t we talk about postpartum more often? Oh right, because if we did there would be a sharp population decline. I’m sorry I didn’t understand the level of tiredness that just becomes normal. I’m sorry I didn’t recognize how skilled you were at multitasking and getting things done in a short window of time. I am most sorry that I never had the chance to tell my mom that I now understand the sheer magnitude of what she did for me. The level of gratitude I have for my mom quadrupled on December 1, 2019. I only wish she could have known that I am starting to understand how much gratitude I have for her. Actually, I guess I don’t wish that because then I would have had a child nine years ago and I was most definitely not ready to be a parent.

I have no segue here, but onto that second word. Honor.

Before I was even pregnant, I was stressed about how I would be a mom without my own mom to help me learn how to be a mom. Someone gave me the advice to honor my mom through being a mom. Honor my mom through being a mom. I spent a longgggg time stressing about not knowing how to honor my mom. I could always craft, but there wasn’t anything I wanted to craft. Seriously, how would I honor my mom if I didn’t know how to honor her and I didn’t feel like crafting?

I inadvertently dipped my toe into the “honor my mom” advice last summer. It all began at a kids
consignment sale in a convention center. I can and I can’t believe I went to one of those. Yet suddenly, I realized how to honor my mom- by bargain hunting for anything related to baby gear. It almost became a game- how often could I check Facebook Marketplace for baby items? Could I be the first one to respond to the “Buy Nothing” neighborhood group when someone posted a free baby item for porch pick up? How far was too far to drive for a great deal on a baby item? How well could I haggle with the prices? Needless to say, I got many free and deeply discounted baby items all while trying to honor my mom. I suppose I should have been venturing to yard sales in order to truly honor her, but I don’t have that 8AM on a Saturday morning yard sale gene in me.

The truth is, my stress over not knowing how to honor my mom was unnecessary. There was no way to know how to honor her until I became a mom myself. My 3 month stint at parenting has shown me a few things I can do to honor my mom.


I can make sure she keeps laughing.

 

I can make sure she keeps visiting our family and friends.
  

I can make sure she has a love of the beach.

 

I can make sure she knows she is strong and mighty.

 

I can make sure she knows the crazy deep level of love I have for her.

 

Anna Jean Arch, even though you came into this world in a different month than I had in my head, I am grateful for you, and as your mom, I will keep trying my damnedest to honor your grandmother. Which means that I will probably embarrass you big time.