I've been thinking about my mom more than usual lately. Typically, I spend a good portion of most of my day thinking about my mom in some way, shape, or form. But lately, it has been even more than that. And no, not because tomorrow marks year 3 of figuring out how to live without the Queen being physically present in my daily life.
I've been thinking about her more because all these random things keep happening that remind me of her so much. First of all, my mom always L-O-V-E-D Ellen Degeneres. I mean, who doesn't? Oprah was my mom's first 4:00 talk show love. But then Oprah often had depressing people on, my mom got cancer which was obviously depressing, and then Ellen appeared. As everyone knows, Ellen is hilarious, so Ellen became the Queen's 4:00 post school form of laughter therapy. I have followed suit and enjoy settling in for Ellen after school as well. My only qualm is that Dr. Phil comes on right after Ellen and I don't like Dr. Phil because he is just too involved in other people's issues. Anyways, moving on. Ellen was an absolute fabulous host of the Oscars. She had Nancy and me cracking up. The pizza, the infamous selfie. I often claim that the Oscars is just too long of an event. Last night, I didn't even want to go to bed because Ellen was making me laugh so much. Alas, something I just know the Queen would have loved.
My mom used to take yoga at High Point with a group of her friends. She used to always tell me how much she loved it. Around the same time, she also started eating weird sushi spinach that looked and felt like a piece of paper so I just assumed she was going through a phase. Well, I started taking yoga towards the end of December and now realize why my mom took yoga. I tried to get into yoga right before all the New Year's resolution people so that I would feel like I was not a New Year's resolution person. I entered yoga with one goal: to be able to touch my toes. No, not from standing upright. I just wanted to be able to touch my toes while sitting down and stretching out my legs. I blame my long legs, but I am just not a flexible person. Small goals people, small goals.
In addition to the goal of touching my toes, I also initially went to yoga because I wanted to get my money out of the $49/month unlimited offer I paid for. But then, I took a leap and decided to sign on for another three months, which meant that I was actually becoming a member of a yoga studio. Me. The girl who can't touch her toes was joining a yoga studio. My trend with gym memberships generally follows the same treacherous path. I get some 'great' intro offer, I sign on the dotted line, go for a week or two, and then completely stop going and lug around this terrible guilt for not using something that I am paying for. All the while, toting the key card thing on my key chain so that I look like I am a member of a gym but in reality I never go.
Anyways, I have kept up with yoga and I would now consider it my primary form of exercise. If you know me, this should also shock you. I generally consider myself a "walker." My slogan in life is, "Why run when you can walk?" This is a slogan for someone who is clearly not athletically inclined. So, even the fact that I am saying I have a "primary form of exercise" is a huge personal life improvement. Furthermore, I am even falling for all of the weird yogi sayings like, "Melt into the Earth," and "Reach up like a sunflower reaching for the sun."
At the beginning of each yoga class, they always tell you to "center yourself" and "focus on one goal." Usually, my goal is something along the lines of, "Be Strong" or "Focus" so that I don't make a fool of myself. Tonight, I made a new goal. "Love." I thought about my mom and her love for each and every one of us. Her love for teaching, her love for crafting, her love for collecting little trinkets, her love for family, and her love for friends. I don't know why, but focusing on love seemed appropriate tonight. I thought about the fact that she would love that I took the time out of my day to do yoga just to love myself (and try really hard to touch my toes). If we all live our lives loving a little more, I think we'd all be a little better off. Alas, something else I know the Queen would have loved.
And guess what, I can touch my toes now.
So, aside from Ellen and yoga, there is something even more shocking I know the Queen would love. My sister and I are roommates. Yes, you read that right. We live together under the same roof for the first time since Nancy was in middle school and I was in high school. These days, we actually get along and enjoy each other's company. If you knew us growing up, this would most definitely shock you. My memories from living with Nancy as a child involve incessant fighting over who got to sit in the front seat, which way we would ask my mom or dad to drive through the neighborhood (this is so weird), and constant bickering over who got the remote. I guess this is all pretty natural for siblings, but I do remember a stapler being thrown at someone's head, which probably is not so natural. While us living together is something I know the Queen would have loved, I think she would also have been extremely shocked.
Thank goodness Nancy and I do live together, because we have filled (and I mean filled) our apartment to the brim with all of my mom's trinkets. Angels, trunks, candle holders, blankets, clay art, towels, pictures, and painted pottery. It is absurd. But if I didn't live with Nancy, who knows where all these trinkets would have gone. All of the trinkets were in need of a home because my dad is making a very exciting move to Charleston. Our house is on the market and he has plans to downsize to a smaller home and buy a sailboat. I couldn't be happier and more excited for him. Nancy, my dad, and I went to Charleston over Christmas. We scoped out the town, walked up and down marina docks, peered into beautiful sailboats, strolled the streets filled with historic homes, and found the nearest beach. All that being said, we all collectively agreed that Charleston is a city with a lot to offer. My dad decided that when the house sells in Atlanta, he'll make the move along with his trusty, yet still crazy, dog Sam. I know the Queen would have loved that (some of) her trinkets were saved and my dad is fulfilling a dream of owning a sailboat and living near the water.
So. Many. Towels.
As the years tick on by, I realize that nothing will change. I will always have these random things that come up in life that make me wish my mom was here. All I can do is live each day as though my mom would want me to. Maybe, writing completely random therapeutic blogs is my answer. Maybe, it is traveling to escape to a different country and get lost in another culture. Maybe, it is Nancy, my dad, and I attempting a game of fetch with Sam on a sunny day in the backyard (it's probably not this, knowing my mom's relationship with Sam). Maybe, it's sailing away as the wind catches the sails and the boat keels to one side (always makes me want to sing, "Come Sail Away, Come Sail Away, Come Sail Away With Me..."). Maybe, it's just hoping for living our lives with a little more love. Just like the Queen would have wanted.
