I completely and utterly failed at actually posting on this blog this year. Life got busy and I just neglected to update it. It's hard to believe I haven't gotten to see my fabulous mother in one year. It's even more hard to believe that we have all survived a year on Earth without my fabulous mother. But we did. And I think we've all come out a little stronger. For me, I've aged probably 30 years (hopefully not in my looks though), my outlook on the world and my outlook on my daily life has completely changed, and I miss her more than I've ever missed anything in my life. As I sit here typing, I decided to listen to James Taylor on my Pandora station. James Taylor was always one of my mom's favorites. Very fittingly, the first song that came on was There's Something in the Way She Moves. Check out the lyrics. It could not be more fitting to my mom or how I'm feeling today:
There’s something in the way she moves,
Or looks my way, or calls my name,
That seems to leave this troubled world behind.
If I’m feeling down and blue,
Or troubled by some foolish game,
She always seems to make me change my mind.
Chorus:
’n’(and) I feel fine anytime she’s around me now,
She’s around me now
Almost all the time.
’n’(and) if I’m well you can tell that she’s been with me now,
’n’(and) she’s been with me now
Quite a long, long time
And I feel fine.___________
Every now and then the things I lean on lose their meaning,
And I find myself careening
Into places where I should not let me go.
-- she has the power to go where no one else can find me,
Yes, and to silently remind me
Of the happiness and good times that I know, you know.
Well I said I just got to know that:
It isn’t what she’s got to say
Or how she thinks or where she’s been.
To me, the words are nice, the way they sound.
I like to hear them best that way -
It doesn’t much matter what they mean,
Weh (when/well? ) she says them mostly just to calm me down.
Chorus:
’n’(and) I feel fine anytime she’s around me now,
A-she’s around me now
Almost all the time.
If I’m well you can tell that she’s been with me now,
And she’s been with me now
Quite a long,
Long
Time -
Yes, and I feel fine
I think a lot of people who knew my mom would agree with these lyrics in relation to the Queen wholeheartedly.
"She's around me now almost all the time."
Just yesterday Kate and I went on a walk right before tornadoes swept across Georgia. After getting stuck in the rain for a little while, the clouds opened up and the sun shined through this one little hole in the clouds. I couldn't help but think it was my mom popping in to say hi. And, to tell us that we were f**king idiots and should get inside and away from the tornadoes. Over the past year, moments like this have happened to me all the time.
I've been keeping a running list on my phone of all the reasons my mom gave me to smile. When I'm feeling really down, feeling really angry, and feeling like life is unfair, I pull out this list and remember why my mom was amazing. Again, I go back to James for some inspiration:
Every now and then the things I lean on lose their meaning,
And I find myself careening
Into places where I should not let me go.
-- she has the power to go where no one else can find me,
Yes, and to silently remind me
Of the happiness and good times that I know, you know.
Here are just a few of the ways my mom "silently reminds me of the happiness and good times that I know" throughout my day:
-I smile when I wake up and think about the fact that my mom used to wake me up in elementary school by asking me how many French toast sticks I wanted for breakfast. I usually said 10. Ridiculous.
-I smile when I get dressed and wear her silly Heinz ketchup, birthday cake, angel, crab, or shamrock socks (only with boots...our little secret!).
-I smile because I have latched onto her morning school routine: 11 Alive followed by catching the first 15 minutes of Matt Lauer and Ann Curry on The Today Show before heading out the door at 7:15.
-I smile when I drive to work on the highway and think about the near miss 285 accident she just about revoked my license for.
-I smile every time I see a sign for a yard sale.
-I smile even more when I stop at the yard sale. For no apparent reason aside from thinking she would be proud of me.
-I smile every time I think about her embarrassing me with Xmas sweaters, sequin shoes, purple eyelashes at Halloween and turkey headbands.
-I smile even more at the fact that I am now the proud owner (and user) of the aforementioned items.
-I smile when I find myself drinking a big glass of ice water.
-I smile when I order wine from a restaurant because the only thing I know to say is: "I'll take the house Chardonnay." Because that's what she always did.
-I smile when people tell me I talk on the phone a lot. Because she did too.
-I smile when I find myself watching the 7:00 ABC World News Tonight followed by Entertainment Tonight.
-I smile when I find myself saying, "I'll return it" or "I disagree...I'm going to write them a letter."
-I smile when people say, "Wow. You really are your mother."
-I smile when I get dressed and wear her silly Heinz ketchup, birthday cake, angel, crab, or shamrock socks (only with boots...our little secret!).
-I smile because I have latched onto her morning school routine: 11 Alive followed by catching the first 15 minutes of Matt Lauer and Ann Curry on The Today Show before heading out the door at 7:15.
-I smile when I drive to work on the highway and think about the near miss 285 accident she just about revoked my license for.
-I smile every time I see a sign for a yard sale.
-I smile even more when I stop at the yard sale. For no apparent reason aside from thinking she would be proud of me.
-I smile every time I think about her embarrassing me with Xmas sweaters, sequin shoes, purple eyelashes at Halloween and turkey headbands.
-I smile even more at the fact that I am now the proud owner (and user) of the aforementioned items.
-I smile when I find myself drinking a big glass of ice water.
-I smile when I order wine from a restaurant because the only thing I know to say is: "I'll take the house Chardonnay." Because that's what she always did.
-I smile when people tell me I talk on the phone a lot. Because she did too.
-I smile when I find myself watching the 7:00 ABC World News Tonight followed by Entertainment Tonight.
-I smile when I find myself saying, "I'll return it" or "I disagree...I'm going to write them a letter."
-I smile when people say, "Wow. You really are your mother."
-I smile when I'm around my dad and my sister and we talk about things my mom would have loved or hated.
Speaking of my dad and my sister. They are doing great. They might just be some of the best roommates I've ever seen (aside from Kate and myself, of course). They get along well and enjoy each others company. We all have dinner together once a week and it's one of my favorite nights of the week. Obviously, I'm a little biased, but I think we've all done a pretty good job figuring out this new life. Here are pictures from some of our adventures as we've learned to live this year.
We spent Christmas in Costa Rica:
We got my dad a helicopter ride for Father's Day:
Nancy and I walked for 60 miles over 3 days in the Susan G. Komen walk:
We all went to Vermont over the summer:
We also stopped in Bar Harbor, Maine this summer:
Thanks to all of you for helping our family over the past year. It's taken me this entire year to come to grips with it, but I'm so happy that we are where we are this year as opposed to last year. My mom is an angel to all of us and I know she is watching over each and every one of us daily. She is probably judging me for many of the decisions I make, like going for walks during tornado warnings, but I still feel like "she's around me now, almost all the time."
I love you, Mommy.
All Hail the Queen,
Abby
